The Intimacy Snare, Stabilizing Hormones and the Noggin

As I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating predicament and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to get love, and men utilize love to get sex." This is a great summation of the "Sex Trap."

The Sex Trap is comparable to the Love Trap, where songs analyze good sex as love. But those who fall under the Sex Trap go even farther due to the fact that for these songs, making love carries immense significance and repercussions.

Songs fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 methods:

A.they believe sex is a necessary test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will be excellent as well).

B.more typically, all awareness heads out the window, and one or both previously level-headed singles consider themselves a committed couple as soon as they make love.
Rather than looking at whether this other person may be a match on levels other than physical attraction-- such as long-term requirements, requirements, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.

No doubt, it can be challenging to correspond with truth when all those hormones are running wild. Our body reacts to somebody we are brought in to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts sexual desire), that makes the chance to make love with somebody we are brought in to extremely hard to withstand. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), which makes us feel extremely close to and bonded with our sex partner.

These chain reactions are involuntary and strong , causing powerful feelings of tourist attraction, excitement, nearness, love, and wellness .

When problems develop, those who fall into the Sex Trap typically rationalize by thinking, "Well, we've got problems, however the sex is fantastic!" They more than likely wouldn't confess it, however they focus on physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their main hunting tools are sexual tourist attraction and physical compatibility.

Barry North, an RCI coach who works mostly with gay males, says that numerous of his customers have fallen into the Sex Trap.

" For gay men especially in cities, sex is readily available, and that in itself is a trap," North says. "In addition, the culture, with its emphasis on physical look, motivates sex. If a possible partner is going to be sexually compatible, many gay males desire to discover out from the beginning. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to ready?".

However, North adds, "I believe this is a ' man' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to point out that imp source chemistry is very important. Chemistry is a offered that we cannot control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it should be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry happen, though sometimes it can grow in time.

Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry risk relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication diminishes and truth hits.

To prevent the Sex Trap, you should balance your heart (and hormones) with your head. This means combining chemistry with good sense. While good sex is very important for a sustainable relationship, you need to make your partner options by paying complete focus on your vision, objectives, requirements, and worths -- while feeling all those amazing triggers!

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