The Sensuality Pitfall, Balancing Hormones and the Skull

As I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating issue and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to get love, and guys use love to obtain sex." This is a terrific summation of the "Sex Trap."

The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where songs translate great sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further because for these songs, having sex brings enormous meaning and effects.

Singles fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 ways:

A.they believe sex is a needed test of compatibility, (if the sex is great then the relationship will ready also).

B.more frequently, all consciousness goes out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed singles consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they make love.
Rather than looking at whether this other individual may be a match on levels other than physical attraction-- such as long-lasting requirements, requirements, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.

No doubt, it can be challenging to stay connected with truth when all those hormonal agents are running wild. Our body reacts to someone we are drawn in to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts sexual desire), that makes the chance to have sex with someone we are drawn in to very hard to resist. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), which makes us feel extremely close to and bonded with our sex partner.

These chain reactions are strong and involuntary , resulting in powerful feelings of attraction, enjoyment, closeness, love, and well-being .

However when issues emerge, those who fall under the Sex Trap frequently rationalize by thinking, "Well, we've got issues, however the sex is fantastic!" They probably would not confess, but they focus on physical intimacy and concern the rest as optional. Their main hunting tools are sexual tourist attraction and physical compatibility.

Barry North, an RCI coach who works primarily with gay males, says that a lot of his customers have fallen under the Sex Trap.

" For gay guys especially in city locations, sex is readily offered, and that in itself is a trap," North says. "In addition, the culture, with its focus on physical look, motivates sexual activity. Numerous gay men desire to discover from the beginning if a possible partner is going to be sexually compatible. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to ready?".

Nevertheless, North includes, "I suspect this is a ' man' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do desire to point out that chemistry is essential. Chemistry is a given that we can't control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it must be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we article can't "make" chemistry happen, though in some cases it can grow with time.

Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry risk relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication subsides and reality hits.

To avoid the Sex Trap, you must balance your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This means integrating chemistry with good sense. While excellent sex is essential for a sustainable relationship, you require to make your partner options by paying complete focus on your vision, worths, requirements, and objectives -- while feeling all those interesting triggers!

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