The Sex Lure, Stabilizing Hormonal Agents and the Brain

As I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating dilemma and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to get love, and guys use love to get sex." This is a fantastic summation of the "Sex Trap."

The Sex Trap is similar to the Love Trap, where singles analyze great sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further since for these singles, having sex carries enormous significance and consequences.

Singles fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 ways:

A.they think sex is a essential test of compatibility, (if the sex is great then the relationship will be excellent as well).

B.more typically, all consciousness heads out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed songs consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they make love.
So, instead of looking at whether this other person may be a match on levels other than physical destination-- such as long-term requirements, requirements, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.

No doubt, it can be challenging to keep in touch with truth when all those hormonal agents are running wild. Our body responds to somebody we are brought in to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts sexual desire), which makes the chance to make love with somebody we are attracted to very tough to withstand. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), which makes us feel really close to and bonded with our sex partner.

These chemical responses are involuntary and strong , leading to powerful feelings of tourist attraction, excitement, nearness, well-being, and love .

When problems occur, those who fall into the Sex Trap frequently rationalize by believing, "Well, we've got issues, but the sex is fantastic!" They probably wouldn't confess, however they focus on physical intimacy and regard the rest as more optional. Their main hunting tools are sexual attraction and physical compatibility.

Barry North, an RCI coach who works mainly with gay males, says that numerous of his clients have actually fallen into the Sex Trap.

" For gay men particularly in metropolitan locations, sex is easily offered, and that in itself is a trap," North says. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be good?".

North includes, "I believe this is a 'guy' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to mention that chemistry is necessary. Chemistry is a offered that we cannot control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it must be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry take place, though sometimes it can grow over time.

When the hormone-induced intoxication wears off and truth hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry danger relationship failure.

To prevent the Sex Trap, you need to stabilize your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This implies integrating chemistry with typical sense. While great sex is crucial for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner choices by paying full attention to your vision, requirements, objectives, and worths -- while feeling all those interesting sparks!

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