The Sex Trap, Balancing Hormones and the Head

As I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader composed in with a dating problem and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to obtain love, and guys use love to obtain sex." This is a fantastic summation of the "Sex Trap."

The Sex Trap is similar to the Love Trap, where singles interpret great sex as love. However those who fall under the Sex Trap go even farther because for these songs, having sex carries immense meaning and effects.

Songs fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 methods:

A.they think sex is a essential test of compatibility, (if the sex is good then the relationship will ready as well).

B.more typically, all consciousness heads out the window, and one or both previously level-headed songs consider themselves a dedicated couple as soon as they make love.
Rather than looking at whether this other individual might be a match on levels other than physical tourist attraction-- such as long-term requirements, needs, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.

No doubt, it can be challenging to stay connected with truth when all those hormones are running wild. Our body responds to somebody we are attracted to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts sexual desire), which makes the chance to make love with someone we are attracted to incredibly tough to withstand. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts upon the hypothalamus to produce emotions), which makes us feel very close to and bonded with our sex partner.

These chemical reactions are involuntary and strong , causing effective sensations of attraction, excitement, well-being, love, and closeness .

But when issues emerge, those who fall under the Sex Trap often justify by believing, "Well, we've got problems, however the sex is excellent!" They most likely wouldn't confess, however they focus on physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their anchor main searching tools are sexual destination and physical compatibility.

Barry North, an RCI coach who works primarily with gay men, says that a number of his customers have actually fallen under the Sex Trap.

" For gay guys particularly in metropolitan locations, sex is easily available, which in itself is a trap," North states. "In addition, the culture, with its focus on physical appearance, motivates sex. Many gay men want to discover out from the beginning if a possible partner is going to be sexually compatible. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be great?".

North adds, "I suspect this is a ' person' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do want to point out that chemistry is very important. Chemistry is a provided that we cannot control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it must be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry occur, though sometimes it can grow over time.

Songs who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry threat relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication wears off and truth hits.

To prevent the Sex Trap, you should stabilize your heart (and hormones) with your head. This indicates integrating chemistry with good sense. While excellent sex is essential for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner options by paying full focus on your vision, requirements, objectives, and values -- while feeling all those exciting triggers!

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